1. The doctrines of your school of Nichiren Buddhism should not differ in the slightest from the teachings of Nichiren, not even if you're trying to differentiate your school from others, for whatever purpose, because it confuses and upsets people to no end.

2. Embrace what is true.

3. Discard what is false.

4. Please don't look at me like that.

5. Followers of this school should engrave the teachings of the Gosho in their lives and thereby inherit the ultimate principles expounded by Nichiren. Then, if they have any leisure time, they should inquire into who is the weakest link.

6. Do not dust until after you have vacuumed because vacuuming raises dust. This is not stated explicitly in the teachings but its wisdom is hidden in the depths of the text.

7. "Fuji school dropout" can be sung to the tune of "Beauty School Dropout" from the musical Grease. You will not be able to get it out of your head.

8. You should treasure those practitioners who have people skills and can work the phone system without hanging up on everyone, not just the good chanters.

9. Disciples should get ample fiber in their diet. This is not merely my opinion, but the teaching of the Buddha, in my opinion.

10. You should refrain from indulging in poetry, Jacuzzi baths or sinfully rich chocolate undergarments without having the aim of rebuking slander.

11. You should refrain from engaging in idleness and chatter unless you have nothing to do and your only friends are houseplants.

12. You are not the great Buddhist hall monitor. Stop bothering everyone. (I stole this from Miss Guidance.)

13. Don't go around stealing other people's admonitions. Think up your own, lazy! (I stole this from Miss Guidance too.)

14. Unless you are well-versed in your understanding of the ineffable, do not attempt to explain it to others.

15. Do not endorse smoking or the consumption of harmful tobacco-based products.

16. Do not infringe on the freedoms of others, especially their right to use harmful tobacco-based products.

17. If one of your fellow believers violates any of the rules set down in these admonitions, you should admonish that person most admoniciously.

18. Those of insufficient learning who are bent on obtaining fame and fortune are qualified for most multilevel marketing opportunities.

19. In the future, there will appear slanderous persons. You will know them by their human-like appearance.

20. Don't visit heretical temples and shrines, even if only to get decor ideas. They are inhabited by demons and demons are passe, darling. Get yourself a bolt of dreamy fabric and a can of "hello yellow" paint!

21. The doctrines of other people differ in every regard from the doctrines of still other people. The doctrines that some people say are the doctrines of Nichiren are said by others to be not the doctrines of Nichiren. Come to terms with this.

22. Do not forge any Gosho, not even as a joke. Your pitiful charade will be found out and you will be rightly humiliated.

23. Do not write anything that may be construed by others to mock the 26 Admonitions of Nikko Shonin. Even if it is not your intention to mock, people will be hard on you nonetheless.

24. There will come a time in which a people who once had a home will find themselves with no home. This is transiency.

25. Don't take my word for anything. I may be a lunatic or have an ax to grind that you know nothing about.

26. My disciples should conduct themselves like electricity, patterning their behavior after that of the late lunch. However, even if a high school student striving for practice and understanding should temporarily deviate from the principle of sexual abstinence, he may still be allowed to remain in the priesthood.