Dear all,
For whatever reason, I have a life where I have to deal with many beings who take it upon themselves not to be kind to me. Often, it is because I stand up for equality, compassion, and love (agape), the latter of which has not necessarily been taught, as such, in Buddhism. Compassion, yes, but not love as an attribute of a/the Buddha. At least in my studies.
I have been wracking my brains about what to do about these beings for years and months, what to chant for, hours of chanting (daimoku) every day, etc., multitudinous karmic apology, and still they would endeavor to harm me in various ways.
I am aware of the Attributes of the Buddha: the Sovereign, the Teacher, and the Parent. Being lesbian, I didn't realize it, but society had gotten to me with the unconscious bias that, being gay, I couldn't be a good parent. I am now ashamed to admit that even I secretly thought this about gay parents, though I knew none, from being negatively conditioned by my culture and not even knowing it.
In the last week, I discoverd Bodhisattva Kokuzo, the Shotenzenjin (Buddhist entity/protector) of wisdom and memory. I started sending chanting (daimoku) to Kokuzo-sama, in total perplexity, since I never intentionally cause anyone any harm.
Gradually, a profound realization came upon me. I was not using my Attribute of the Parent in my daimoku for these beings. This attribute includes love, protection, and correction.
I have also been thinking about faith, as I was outgunned. How does one increase one's faith? I realized it was to find something absolute to have faith in and to have absolutely purely correct, compassionate intent behind that faith. Then I could "BELIEVE" as hard as I wanted. I thought, what IS that absolute, for me, in Buddhism? Long story the thought process behind that, the Gohonzon, the Buddhas, the Lotus Sutra, etc., but for me, what I came up with was the enlightened entity of the Mystic Law and the Law of Cause and Effect itself. This may differ for you.
So, then, when I started chanting about someone who was harming me, I could do it with the love of the Parent, but not with judgment, holding their life up to that ultimate Buddhist Mystic Existence/Law and say, "This person is not well!! Specifically, in these ways!! What do they need to experience, think, learn, grow from in order to heal? Here, Gohonzon (my mandala), here is all the energy you Buddhist entities (who are on the mandala) need in order to help these people understand fundamental reality as their Buddha natures define that (not me, but not their punitive behavior, either) so they can benevolently evolve!!! And, so, they are. It is still a tremendous fight every single day, and I graciously thank Kokuzo and all those who have helped me, but things are definitely on the move for these people who have been so cruel.
Last thoughts for now: I had to get over the naive attitude that they weren't going to whack me again. I had to realize that they probably would and to send a humongous amount of daimoku (chanting) to the protective entities to load them up in the present and the future so I could be assured to just be able to make it through the day much less with panache and grace. Finally, I am learning better how to buck up my own wisdom to the maximum for when I do have to come out of my shy self and talk with people, some of whom have been unkind and even hostile in my local environment.
Best,
Armchair
10 comments
Dear all,Thank you, robin, for the explanation of metta. Your studied mind is so valuable and I always appreciate what you have to say.I believe what I am talking about here in terms of love, this *kind of spiritual love, from unbelievable frustration in my life, has kindled into me an emotion that is an explosion of passion. THAT kind of love, the kind of love that will melt brick walls to get to its beloved, to save one's child from an alligator or the drowning deep, that will traverse continents without a qualm to see him or her.In thinking about this since I wrote the piece, it has condensed in my mind to steps, once I realized where this huge hole in my single-minded determination was.1. I chanted fiercely to my mandala to connect with the Holy Absolute of Buddhism (I know that has no referent precedence).2. I prayed to open my eyes profoundly to understand what I needed to know to solve this problem -- which had to do with these people being able to open their eyes profoundly. This was to utilize the absolute concept of "esho funi" which is to say, in part, 'If you want to change the environment, you must first of all change yourself'.3. I prayed to Bodhisattva Kokuzo and from the bottom of my life to fundamentally understand the solution to these problems.4. Over a period of 2 days, I realized I had not been using the Virtue of the Parent in my desperate daimoku and why and corrected that.5. I implored all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas for their aid and LOADED them with daimoku (the energy from chanting).6. I held each hurtful person's life up like a parent with a violent and dying child to this "Holy Absolute" and begged that whatever that person needed to understand, to know, to be healed, that whatever that fundamental Beingness wanted for that person's life to happen from its perspective and here was the energy to do that.7. And I chanted for these hurtful beings one by one and group by group until I was too tired to continue last night and today everything that I chanted about has undergone a huge shift in direction.Now, does the "Holy Absolute of Buddhism" actually exist? Does it have entity? This is no Buddhist concept I ever learned and I certainly don't offer it as such. I don't suggest here that you adopt my realization, only that this may be a place where you can use your own profound conception of fundamental Buddhist spirituality, if you have one, as such.I don't think it matters what one calls the core identity/entity of the Mystic Law or the essence even buried within the depths of Myoho-Renge-Kyo. In one translation, which is no longer readily available, Nichiren himself referred to the "will of heaven". What did he mean? I am CERTAINLY not suggesting God, but a fundamental essence at the core of Buddhism itself that is not new, not my idea, but rather, finally my being able to understand such even potential reality. It doesn't even matter to me whether it is "real" or not, conceptually, for me, it is and thus I can chant with incredibly intense certitude based on compassion for a damaged someone's evolution with that construct in mind.For years I have been bashing my head on brick walls about this, trying everything -- I will spare you the extensive list, but this broke through. I fling this frisbee out into cyberspace, my friends, ... realizing it may be rather radical.Best,Armchair
Armchair, I read your post just after reading this article about online trolls in the NYTimes magazine. Chilling. Go read it.What the article illustrates is that there's a very dark side of human nature that gets its jollies from exacerbating the pain and suffering of others. Some humans are able to convince themselves and others that creating, mocking and delighting in human suffering is actually a valuable service that helps people become stronger.How does one defend oneself against bizarre callousness and gleeful malevolence? Metta, metta, metta -- at least, I hope that the antidote to malevolence is its opposite. Perhaps your lovingkindness will have no effect on others -- no obvious, immediate effect -- the point of cultivating lovingkindness is to keep one's own heart soft and open to others and to life, regardless of how crappy people are. Easier said than done.
It looks like you found metta without really seeking it. I went through something like that. I wanted to feel compassion for some people, but, honestly, could not. To make a really long story really short, I came across Ryuei's page on metta. gassho
There are many words - metta - agape - and others that are used to communicate the ideas and even ideals of love; Eros - a passionate physical and emotional love based onaesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love Ludus - a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest Storge - an affectionate love that slowly develops fromfriendship, based on similarity Pragma - love that is driven by the head, not the heart;undemonstrative Mania - highly volatile love; obsession; fueled by lowself-esteem Agape - selfless altruistic love; spiritual; motherly love RefWhen it comes to many folks they get very confused - they are driven by Animality and Anger to Eros, by Animality to Ludus, by Humanity to Storge, by Learning andRealization to Pragma, by Anger and Hell to Mania.. and then comes Agape. Some like to see theses as movies - which leads to endless debate about Pretty Woman, Titanic and Misery!“Love Is A Many Splendid Thing” - or so goes the song, but it depends upon the life of the person singing the tune as to how that love affects others and the self!
I don't know if I'm understanding you correctly, but I have a problem with defining compassion as "please help those who are more screwed up than I am to see the error of their ways." We're all Buddhas on this bus, after all.
Dear all,Thank you for your considered comments on this topic. Brooke, I went to the NY Times link you suggested and was appalled at the degree of detachment and destruction these internet trolls exhibit, especially as I am considering my own website. This is a very well-done piece, worthy of the Times. And the eternal question, "Why?" was coursing through my mind as I read it. Then, near the end of the article, after the reporter's lengthy (7 pp.) investigation into their behavior, was this quote:"Of course, none of these methods will be fail-safe as long as individuals like Fortuny construe human welfare the way they do. As we discussed the epilepsy hack, I asked Fortuny whether a person is obliged to give food to a starving stranger. No, Fortuny argued; no one is entitled to our sympathy or empathy. We can choose to give or withhold them as we see fit. "I can't push you into the fire," he explained, "but I can look at you while you're burning in the fire and not be required to help." Weeks later, after talking to his friend Zach, Fortuny began considering the deeper emotional forces that drove him to troll. The theory of the green hair, he said, "allows me to find people who do stupid things and turn them around. Zach asked if I thought I could turn my parents around. I almost broke down. The idea of them learning from their mistakes and becoming people that I could actually be proud of . . . it was overwhelming." He continued: "It's not that I do this because I hate them. [I couldn't get this to do the quote thing and the bolding is mine].There it was, Brooke, in this article about destructive behavior that you saw. A fundamental breakdown in the virtue of the parent that somehow this young man rationalized that his aberrant, uncompassionate, irresponsible behavior was in some way related to his parents' monumental failure to him. To what? Provide acceptable limits perhaps? To love, to care, to protect when needed? So, he doesn't love, he doesn't care, he doesn't protect, he doesn't understand appropriate limits? I wonder if his parents walloped him for the slightest mistake and he is trying to prove to them now that he wallops people who make the mistake of having a weakness in their internet presence and he does it very, very well. So they will someday, somehow be proud of him? We cannot know, of course, but there must be something like that there, given Cause and Effect. Yet, he knows his parents were wrong and he is destroyed at the core and hasn't a clue how or even that he needs to look for a solution. There are so many "realities". "Real (mundane) reality" (which Buddhism has shown is an illusion) and "emotional reality", which, like Fortuny's destructive mindset, doesn't need a scrap of truth to trump mundane reality and can be many times viciously negative. There are others, but we are here in the investigation of "enlightened reality" which trumps all others, which, as someone suggested (I'm sorry, I can't find your name for some reason), will eventually, we suppose, trump all others. Is this not our inquiry and why we have embraced Buddhism in the first place?We know it is a triumph of the spirit, of the heart, to manifest the Buddha nature in the face of harm as is beautifully shown by the Dalai Lama. Cultmember, there are, I am told by other members, 5 people chanting for me to die, [not necessarily bowling club members]. Yes, we do all intrinsically possess the Buddha nature, but do we manifest it, act in accordance with it, develop it, make it become the totality of everything we think, say, and do? Some people on the bus hit others over the head with their lunch box, do they not? Thank you for asking, though, as it is an important question and we can consider it further in another line, if you wish.The only thing apparently that can get to this seemingly heartless troll, Fortuny, who trashes people's lives for amusement and a sense of power is the thought of his parents who failed him so badly he has no respect for them. Yet, he says, "It's not that I do this because I hate them". Isn't that exactly why he is doing it? I don't really understand the connection, do you? Is it because if kids can't get the attention they want by good behavior, they act out with bad behavior because any attention is better than none?In another part of the article, the trolls discuss what is good and what is bad behavior. They really have no idea that it relates to inflicting or relieving suffering. One proffers at the end that it might have something to do with empathy.Best,Armchair
Dear all,There are more developments on this front about this topic in my life, but if you are tired of hearing about it, let me know and I will pipe down, or just skip it. I am pretty shy about talking on boards and generally don't do it for many reasons, but I have found more inquiring, polite, and sensitive people here, so I have ventured out some.Once I mentioned transdimensional crime. A whole definition and explanation of this escapes me tonight as I have my wind-down glass of wine, so pardon typos. I don't know if you are experiencing TD crime in your areas or not, either, or if you are interested in the subject. The little corner of earth we inhabit here is a hotbed of this sort of problem. For example, there is hardly a bird left in town. Do any of you others have that problem? And, you know the bees are disappearing and it ain't virroa mite, dear beings. I understand the birds are pretty much gone from Southern Cal, too, is that true? A shocking thought when one thinks of one's Buddha's Land.There are many manifestations of TD crime, but one is using energy, even chanting energy, on wave lengths intended to make you ill, even very ill. It's like being pounded with aerial strychnine, for what? Being a proponent of compassion and non-violence? I guess one has to expect such things, as Nichiren so eloquently taught us. It's just in a different venue in 2008. Anyway, I have to deal with it quite a lot for some reason.I have a seasoned SGI Buddhist who chants with me sometimes, like from Mr. Toda's era, and also a very devoted Christian who chants NMRK with me very sincerely. He finds it doesn't contradict his practice!! Lucky me!!We have discussed the Virtue of the Parent approach and the elderly (but very fierce in true Nichiren tradition!!) friend of mine was leading daimoku as we dealt at the time with a delegation of poisonous energy. He is a man, and a very developed Buddhist one at that, and he sent out a very interesting intent ("ichinen") behind his daimoku (chanting) at first and it was the strong father of "You will not do this any more!!!" I just cruised behind him, as I am rather more to the nurturing side and not so confident about laying down the law (or LAW), but he did it and he went being by being as he did it. I was in awe.Then he did something that just astonished me. After he got their bad energy barked back, he chanted summoning energy to their Buddha natures!! I trailed in awe as his ichinen (previously defined) summoned the Buddha natures from these beings behaving in such a destructive way -- from beneath the primordial loam of fundamental darkness and they didn't have "boo" to say about that.Now, I have to say here that this man's conduct and mind are beyond reproach and he has honed *his Buddha nature for decades. It would not have occurred to me to do this, way too presumtuous, though I do endeavor to live correctly as a votary of the Lotus Sutra to the best of my own ability.This brought to my mind again so many questions like "What is the Buddha nature and what do we do with it?" We have been talking about this. The thing that impressed me is that this man (of the bowling club, but not punitive) had the apparent *authority to demand they arise, they grow up, they, well, c
I don't have the statistics on transdimensional crime in my area, Armchair. Kids in my neighborhood like to spray paint their graffiti tags on walls and fences. But that's just straight-up one-dimensional vandalism. It sounds like you're saying that "transdimensional crime" is when people send bad vibes or ill wishes. I've never heard anyone call it "transdimensional crime." It's called hexing, cursing, stink-eye or crustyburning where I come from.There's a saying... "You can wipe off the spit of one person -- but the spit of a million people can drown you."If you let it.Are you familiar with the practice of tonglen? It involves breathing in the pain and darkness of others, and breathing out relief, lightness and spaciousness. More on tonglen here.BTW, I planted a northstar cherry tree last year. Its red fruit (sour!!) brought several robins to my yard. My blackberries and raspberries are starting to ripen, so I'm sure the birds will flock.As for bees, my neighbor has an apple tree that attracts alarming numbers. One day, I noticed bees had built a hive in the bottom half of my backyard chiminea, and wasps had built a nest in the top half. Ants had set up a grand entrance to their colony underneath it all. At least someone is using the chiminea.In other words, the transdimensional crime in my neighborhood is not so bad that it affects the insect and avian populations.
Oops, hit the wrong button and posted. Vino. But wanted to get this out before I forgot. Beryl, blessings upon you for the work you do to provide us this forum. To continue, unedited for the most part... [the bolding below is unintended, but, for some reason, I cannot fix it]....they grow up, they, well, erupt out of their darkness like plants being called by the sun. Who is this guy, I thought? We talk about the "eternal Buddha", and, yeah, I guess from watching him, it is us, but there is kindergarten and there is post-graduate school.Then things got very interesting. The unkind beings who had been invasive in the first place started to resist, energetically. The negative vibrational frequency they were sending us got denser and more negative even though it *was summoned into the clarity of having to deal with their ill intentions in the light of the sun that the daimoku provides and the reality of their fundamental mission to recognize and promote the Law.This raises the question, analogous to us all being the eternal Buddha (nature), in the Lotus Sutra, there were some who were not chosen to propagate the Law in the the Latter day, (the aristocrats?), and some (the funky dunks?) who were. But in the light of the eternity and infinity of the Law, is anyone really left out? Mr. T. didn't leave them out, despite their concerted behavior to oppose the true intention of that Law now.But, we were stuck. My elderly Buddhist friend, Mr. T., turned to my newly practicing, but very pure, Christian friend. He said, "What would you do?" The Christian friend, Jake, who chants very well, by the way, well enough to lead, said, "When you gave me these beads, you explained to me that the crossing of them in the middle indicated that when you held the beads such, it meant that you were the center of infinity as you chanted, yes?" We took a deep breath. "Yes". And then he said, "You have been trying to explain the Lotus Sutra to me and the eternal and infinite essence of the Buddha nature, rather than "sin", being at the core of life?" Our hair stood up, ears pricked. "Yes". Jake continued, "I understand prayer," he said, "but in the sense of not supplicating an "Almighty God" to solve our problems for us, but rather to tap into that infinite energy as a certain and specific vibrational frequency in and of itself. You show me all sorts of vibrational frequencies with this chanting of Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo. Well, I tell you, there is one of ultimate divine direction from your "Buddha nature" or "Christ nature", as He was able to tap into and embody this frequency to the level of being able to produce miracles -- Why don't you put that prayer/vibrational frequency of healing, benevolence, and compassion into their lives next?"We didn't know what to say. When we have ears, isn't it our supposed "children" with their pure spirits who teach us? So, we gave our "new member" Christian friend the chair to lead the daimoku for the next part and we followed. It took a concerted while, but we, together, in this spirit, then melted the poisonous energy away, at least for this night, until peace was achieved.Was all of this process necessary, to get to this point? I don't know, but I think so. You do have to take the shovel out of the hand of the sandbox bully who has been pounding the other child, you don't just kiss him on the head first. And you do have to talk with him, as strictly as is required, as well as, somehow, think of a way to inspire him/her, but after that? There is a call, isn't there, when people have gotten to the space to hear, like Nichiren said about when the wild birds fly by, the caged bird wants to follow?A humble and simple soul, I try to be, but for whatever reason, I have such teachers. I can only hope if you have to deal with negativity in your life and/or your practice, having made the effort to do karmic apology, that this might be of some use to you.Best regards,Armchair