For the past few years I have been moving away from the mainstream of the SGI. Doing so was unthinkable before as it has been my family. No one is trying to convince me to stay. I miss my friends. Going to meetings, doing various activities, and being engaged with the other members had been the mainstay of my life. It was usually fun. I had staked my entire existence on the truth of the SGI philosophy and practice. What went wrong?

Before gongyo yesterday, I read President Ikedas advice from Volume Three of his Daily Guidance, and it all dawned on me as to why I have parted company with the SGI. The March 17 entry reads:

President Toda once strictly said, One who worships the Gohonzon selfishly, without participating in Gakkai activities or sharing the Gohonzons benefit with others, is as base as a cat eating a leftover dish in the kitchen by itself. All in all our faith must never be so selfish and narrow-minded.

I had read this guidance many times before, but this time I was struck by the level of manipulation there and how a person can feel as if there is no escape from the Gakkai spin on correct faith, even when the organization has run afoul. I never thought this could happen. I had bought into the spirit of burning my life into white-hot ash for the sake of the Law and to put all other affairs aside.

I had lost all objectivity. Then came the conflict between the SGI and the priesthood in 1991. We were told that this was the perfect opportunity to attain Buddhahood our present form. I had studied The Kaimoku Sho once a year for one full month, every November since 1974. I knew the drill. There were two things going for me. One, I was made to remonstrate. Two, I was a daimoku champ.

Being an outgoing and studious believer with years of intense youth division training, I was ideally suited to challenge the priests. It was strange - I actually liked the priests, even when they acted like haughty little prima donnas. I never believed anything bad about the SGI either, and I firmly believed that ALL allegations against us were the work of malicious, jealous slanderers who were manifestations of devilish functions trying to destroy the pure Law.

My personality can be described by an action that took place in 1981 at OHare International Airport. PI, Nikken, and their massive entourage of 60 priests and many SGI staffers were entering their limos and vehicles for a massive motorcade to downtown Chicago. The sheriff provided two cruisers as an escort they were on either side of PI and Nikkens limo. We had about 60 cars and vans in the motorcade. As you might surmise, the busiest airport in the world has a lot of traffic and you know how nuts people can get when theyre in a hurry. Somehow the traffic had to be stopped to allow the motorcade to merge into their lanes. Oppsno one had thought about that and traffic was getting heavy.

As the person responsible for the ground movement and seeing that there was no plan in place for how to control traffic from the ass end of the motorcade, I chanted three times, and walked into the center of the busy three lane road. Dressed to the nines, wearing my secret service shades and walking like a drill sergeant first greeting his new recruits, I grabbed my NSA I.D. security badge and held it up like I was a government agent. I thrust my arms out like Moses parting the waters. Lo and behold, all the cars came to a halt and stayed there. Acting like I actually had some kind of authority, I held the cars there for the five longest minutes in my life. You can bet that there were a lot of bad vibes aimed at me. When they pulled out, I got back on the sidewalk and thought to myself, How the hell did I do that? This is nuts! This is the kind of ichinen I brought into battle with the priests.

Let me state my personal belief: No one derives benefit from negative prayer even if someone tells you its the right thing to do! This is where I made my mistake. Negativity will rot you out from the inside. Even when negativity is wrapped in the cloth of truth and cosmic justice, negative karma is building, baby. You might call me a survivor of extreme Soka spirit enflamed by two excommunications and yes, they did say that ten thousand and one times! My prayer was simple Please allow me to be true to the Lotus Sutra, true to Shakyamuni and the Buddhas of the universe, Nichiren, the Gohonzon, and the dharma of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Thank you very much! Im a wiser and happier person today thanks to the blessings of the Gohonzon that have positively transformed my life based on this affirmation. Let me tell you the story of my transformation and you draw your own conclusions.

My battle with Nichiren Shoshu began in 1991. It ended it in 2001. I was the perfect Gakkai warrior for the job of written remonstration. No one asked me to do this. All I had to do was refer to the Gosho and listen to the battle cry of my brothers to put aside all doubts, fears and other shallow endeavors to challenge and defeat that One Great Evil the King Devil of the Sixth Heaven.

I believed to the core of my being that this was my opportunity to prove the greatness of the Daishonins Buddhism and the righteousness of the SGI. What is strange though, is that when the temple issue was first and most passionately presented from the higher ups, I was horrified. Like a good little droid, it didnt take me long to jump on the bandwagon of defeating the evil Nikken sect. In 1994, I decided to devote myself to written remonstration, although my first letter was in 1991.

In total, I wrote 37 letters of remonstration of more than 30,000 words over the course of nine months. My 75,000-word novel, Mokuren, was written as a new form of remonstration and mailed right to Nikkens home an address gladly provided by an enterprising staffer in LA. Its not polite to brag about how much you chant, but I must confess that I chanted 10 million daimoku to defeat the priests and write my book during a period from October 1994 to June 1998.

In May 1996 I received a certified letter from Myogyoji temple for me to cease and desist writing or contacting the temple. Coincidentally, SGI Vice President Tokuda was in Chicago wanting to visit those who were really fighting to defeat the priests. He visited me near the University of Illinois in Champaign, some 150 miles south of Chicago. I presented him with a bound copy of my letters of remonstration for sensei, to be delivered to him personally which it was. On behalf of president Ikeda, he gifted me a beautiful pair of sandalwood juzu. He was a terrific man and I was positively glowing inside. Imagine, glowing because you succeeded in busting some priests balls.

Im here to tell you that negative prayer is wrong. It will backfire on you. Shame on me - shame on you too you know who you are. Lets admit that we were encouraged to pray for the ruination of the Nikken sect in the name of religious orthodoxy. You would think that after my actions, mandarava flowers would be gently raining from the sky along with breezes of tamalapatra sandalwood fragrance. Think again. Instead, from 1994 to 2001, I was assailed by a real-life tempest of trouble and affliction like I had never experienced before, even when I battled cancer. This is personal stuff and Im hesitant to share it with you all, but it seems important to my point.

From 1994 to 1996 I was overwhelmed with financial misfortune. My resume service went out of business. I went bankrupt. I had to sell my only car to feed my family. In 1996 my father dropped dead of a heart attack, less than a year later, my older brother died of alcoholism at age 50, then my mother died as nasty, protracted death from cancer but not before disinheriting me. My 25-year marriage collapsed and I got divorced. Without question, each event can be partially explained by some apparent or hidden failure on my part to do one thing or another. No sympathy required. For all these major events, there were a hundred minor ones. I felt myself a martyr for the great cause and every hardship was but another opportunity to purify my defiled karma. Obstacles equaled Buddhahood. Each time I submitted a letter of remonstration and chanted for their defeat something strange and nasty would happen.

To account for the bizarre turn of unfortunate events taking place in my life, one could also factor in the hidden wages of evil karma being painfully expiated like passing jagged kidney stones. I asked for guidance near the end of my sojourn through the hell of Buddhahood and was told, You should suffer - suffering is good for you! Another senior leader asked me in wonder, Why do you have so many problems? I thought I was fighting the good fight. In the end, it was my relationship with the Gohonzon that brought peace and understanding. After those conversations with my seniors, I decided to make a big change. I went into a completely new direction away from the SGI. My inner life was instantly transformed for the better.

The moment I put some distance between the SGI, and myself all my misfortune ended and benefits began to appear. Huge benefits. My career went into hyper-drive, my material good fortune immediately improved, my health became robust, my personal life became loving and beautiful, and my faith was refreshed. To what do I owe this wonderful change in destiny? Was it delayed benefit from my fight with the priests? Was it conspicuous benefit from realizing that I was wrong and changed my prayer?

Dont get me wrong what has happened to Nichiren Shoshu is a chilling example of arrogance and the perversion and subordination of Nichiren Buddhism. Regarding my role, I learned that chanting and intending trouble or harm to others through prayer is wrong even when your trusted seniors try to put their medieval spin on the conflict and make it seem as if the whole fucking world is going to avichi hell in a hand basket unless those slanderers are defeated. From that standpoint, I now see the SGI as misdirected in how theyve handled the conflict. The way things are, neither the SGI, or Nichiren Shoshu, will be able to establish a Buddha land. Since reconciliation seems impossible, it seems as if something new will emerge outside the SGI and Nichiren Shoshu. Bank it.

In the March 2004 issue of Living Buddhism, page 43-44, PI writes:

The persecutions directed at the Soka Gakkai in recent years follow this pattern precisely. Totally corrupt priests and people who have abandoned correct faith in the Daishonins Buddhism have joined forces to hide their own evil and fabricated false changes to persecute the Gakkai, an organization to which they actually owe an immense debt of gratitude.

In short, the Soka Gakkai has done nothing wrong. These individuals envy and resent the organization for being so upright and beautiful, and they plot and scheme to try and destroy it. This situation is all in perfect accord with the Daishonins teachings and is in fact proof that the Gakkai has inherited the true spirit of the Daishonins Buddhism.
I will never forget my immense gratitude to the SGI. That doesnt mean Im deaf, dumb, blind and stupid. It seems that the SGI is preoccupied with fighting phantoms. However, Nichiren Shoshu is no threat to the SGI because it is downright authoritative, insular, and hopelessly dogmatic this will never sell in the US and hasnt worked well elsewhere in the world. It seems to me that the SGI is blind to its own aspects of evil authority, believing it is beyond reproach. Together, we were quite a team. Apart, its not happening. Why cant Nikken and PI work this out? It seems to me that if these two came to Shakyamuni for guidance, he would tell them to work together and give all their tremendous personal wealth back to the sangha immediately. Death defying dialogue should apply to everyone.

Is the SGI a cult? By definition, yes it is.

Does that make the SGI bad? No. Maybe the most powerful cult wins and its an evolutionary mandate.

Can one attain Buddhahood outside of the SGI? Absolutely. Its all about our direct connection with the Mystic Law and doesnt require any intermediary.

What happened to me was a blessing in disguise. Overcoming my obstacles made me strong. There were many lessons learned. Once the negativity and rage were purged from my life, I could feel good about myself. For me, it required that I change my prayer and step back from the Gakkai family. I now know that negativity and religious indignation in the name of self- righteousness is like pissing into the wind. For the first time in my life I am happy. Peace be with you all.