The following are musings and ramblings, after a year "away" from the SGI-USA. Folks who know nothing about me (or that organization) may not understand all of the references (or care).
====================================
It has been an interesting year. When I participated in the sending of the SGI-USA Reform Declaration in May of 2002, I was unemployed, and had been for about six months, since I got back from Spain to be "downsized." I was working odd jobs as they came up, which was not often enough, and sending out resumes.

In the time since May 10, I finally decided that there was no point in continuing to try to reform the SGI-USA, and that I could not in good conscience continue to be a member of that organization. I wrote a letter to this effect, which I sent to Guy McCloskey in October of 2002. (I think I'll post that here soon.) I also discussed this in an interview on BuddhaJones.com:

http://www.buddhajones.com/Interviews/AndyHanlen.html unavailable

Sending the Reform Declaration and observing the reactions had a lot to do with my final decision and was, in that sense, cathartic. Hasan's speech of May 22, 2002...

http://www.sgi-usa.org/thesgiusa/divisional/md/thasan_speech052202.html dead link

...was a large factor, as were the responses (and lack thereof) from some key SGI-USA leader-friends (whom I had thought better of). It just became very clear to me that the True Believer mentality was there to stay, and that I really had no right trying to push something on folks who are happy with the status quo, regardless of the rightness or wrongness of my position. It is, as I've often insisted, a free country. I needed to make this choice, and in hindsight it was the right one for me. I observe some of the ongoing silliness in the SGI-USA...

http://www.buddhajones.com/SGI/PDF/ORG-037-SilentPrayers.pdf unavailable

...and feel confident that I am correct in my understanding of that organization. Its dedicated members are welcome to it. I'll lurk on the fringes for an undefined period of time, I'm sure (one does not dedicate thirty years of one's life to something and walk away with no lingering attractions, affections or attachments), but I have not observed any regreats in myself about my decision to formally resign as a member.

My Buddhist practice was not affected at all. If anything, I feel that it is stronger, now. I will be a "believer in Nichiren" forever, and I see no likelihood of that changing. I do want to get more active in terms of helping others with this Buddhism, and will, but there's not the hurry or sense of urgency that I always felt in the SGI-USA. We have small gatherings at our home every month now, involving about 4 or 5 friends (mostly people introduced by Dana and I) who practice, and invited others. I maintain my friendships with a few dear people in the SGI-USA (as I always have with a few in Nichiren Shoshu) and I don't see any reason for that to change, either. All in all, the only real difference in my life is the lack of aggravation, and the sense of release from the frustration of beating my head against a wall. I wish the SGI-USA well, of course, but I doubt that it will ever do what's necessary for it to become a dynamic mainstream religious group in this country. That's okay, though. Others will, over time. No rush.

In addition to my SGI-USA and Nichiren Shoshu friends, I remain in contact with the NSA and some other groups, as well as various independently practicing Nichiren Buddhists. That's, for me, a matter of networking and information sharing, and not aimed at creating (or, for now, joining) anything approaching an organization. I think that the larger sangha of believers in Nichiren transcends organizational and sectarian boundaries, at least for those of us who choose to make this the case. I intend to maintain these connections, and hopefully continue to expand them.

For myself and Dana and Brenna in the "real world," it's been a marvelous year. I won't go into all of the details, but I certainly could not have envisioned things as they worked out. When I first returned, unemployed, from Spain in October of 2001, I feared going two months without employment. I had never been without work in over twenty years. In the event, over the course of the following months, the right little job would appear at a crucial moment, or an unexpectedly large tax return, etc. I did whatever it took, including strapping on my old tool belt and swinging a hammer (which hurt, as I was terribly out of shape, but was very gratifying in demonstrating to myself that I still "had it"). I had interviews in North Carolina, Seattle, and a few other places that did not result in jobs, but really worked out well, in the end (sometime I may write up the "bullet" I "dodged" with the N. Carolina job), and Dana and I decided in the summer of 2002 that, regardless of anything else, we weren't going to leave southern California. Dana's work (she owns and runs a private non-profit children's theatre company) really took off and had a great year so she was able to pay herself regularly (which was not always the case in the past). The short version is that, with minor judicious belt-tightening, we did not suffer financially at all.

Then, in March of this year, we were told we had to move (owner selling the house, which we were not in a position to buy). Within six days we found a wonderful house, four miles away, that literally has a golf course for a back yard. The nicest and largest home we've ever lived in, and Brenna got to stay in the great charter school where she is so happy. We didn't know how we were going to continue to afford it, but that same week I got a call from a guy who owns the company that is one of the main competitors of my old company, and I'm working there now, doing what I've always done, and know how to do, and enjoy doing. Just two weeks ago they changed my status to full-time permanent, and I expect to stay there until retirement. (My former company ending up going bankrupt.)

There's more details and great stories of the past two years and our lives, of course, but the short version is that things are magnificent. Total time of un- and partial employment: seventeen months (to the day, actually).

I have never been one to chant for "things" per se. I chant to advance my life and become a better person. (Actually, it's deeper than that, but that's a whole 'nother discussion, which may or may not appear here sometime.) Along the way over the past thirty years my life has advanced remarkably, and there have been tremendous "benefits" along the way. I attribute all of that to my deepening connection with the wonderful Dharma. I don't look at anything that's happened in the past year as being specifically connected to my reform efforts, or to finally leaving the SGI-USA, but I do consider our continually improving physical, material and spiritual condition as a family to be a result of a lifetime of Buddhist faith, and confirmation that we continue to pursue the right path. Dana and I are united in our goals, and I should note that having her as best friend / counselor / partner / wife is one of the greatest benefits in my life. Her support and unswerving determination and love were huge factors for me (I have skipped many of the darker moments in my own head where I began to despair, and she was always there for me - another long discussion).

I have to admit to a bit of amazement, really. You'd think I'd be used to it, after all of these years of practice, but still I experience a sense of wonder when my life goes so well in circumstances that could (and does) really make others miserable. As I mentioned, I'm not really big on chanting for "X" and getting "X", as I am not convinced that's how this practice works. I am convinced, however, that the accumulation of good fortune in our lives as a result of this practice, and of helping others to experience it, builds over the years. I know this from past experience, thus my comment about being used to it, but I never am. Still today, when I experience really difficult obstacles, challenges and even pain, I have doubts and those moments where I wonder if THIS one is too difficult to overcome.

It never is, of course. (Paraphrasing): "Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life, and continue to chant namu-myoho-renge-kyo, no matter what." I am convinced that that's the path to enlightenment (whatever that may be).

Life is a feast, and the Hanlen family is dining well. My grandaughter Emilie turned one last month, and my son Philip is about to get engaged. I quit smoking last week and this time I believe it's the real thing.

Enough for now.

Andy