The first time I met Coco Kuroshio (known to BuddhaJones readers as Miss Guidance): She came to my home, opened my refrigerator, assesed the contents and made an expression of disgust!
At the time, I was thinking of practicing Buddhism with SGI-USA. Coco and other members had come over to chant with me. I was peeved at Coco's snooping and judgmental attitude, but I was too taken aback to say anything. I thought, "Who does this little Japanese lady think she is?" She got a kick out of seeing me flabbergasted.
Eleven years later, Coco is one of my best friends. Over the years, we have both grown and changed a lot -- and we have inspired each other to chant and practice this Buddhism with all our might. We have laughed and cried and argued bitterly together. We disagree about many things, but there is fundamental respect in our friendship. I never would've made the effort -- in fact, I never would've met Coco -- if it weren't for the SGI-USA organization.
It's not all sunshine and rainbows in the SGI -- no, sometimes, on the surface, things don't seem very harmonious. But what SGI-USA provides is a space to really get to know fellow practitioners. We are all mirrors for one another, so that we can see things about ourselves that we ordinarily would never see -- the good and the not so good. SGI-USA provides a space in which we can make and become true friends.
Most of the SGI-USA members I know enjoy good friendships in the organization -- and, by and large, these are people with few gripes. The biggest problem in the organization, as I see it, is that we have failed to consistently cultivate true friendships. As a result, some people have found the SGI-USA to be an unfriendly place.
If any reform of the SGI-USA is necessary, it is for each of us to reform our understanding of and capacity for friendship.
The best description of friendship within a Buddhist community that I have ever read is from Stephen Batchelor's book, Buddhism Without Beliefs. (Some readers razz me about always quoting others instead of coming up with an original essay. This time is no different.)
An excerpt on friendship appears in the recommended reading section of this site. For me -- and for anyone who wishes to make the SGI-USA a friendlier place -- it is a "must read." unavailable