I started my Buddhist practice in 1985 during the wild, hey-day of introductory campaigns in New York City. SGI had meetings seven days a week at that time. I was in my twenties. I ran myself hard -- like a race horse -- talking to New Yorkers about Buddhism whenever and wherever I had a chance. Hell, one night on the cool streets of the West Village, I even told the late Andy Warhol about chanting! But there was something about the wildness, the fanaticism of that approach that never appealed to me -- and I was relieved when the organization slowed down in 1990. In the quiet aftermath of all that frenetic activity, many people quit practicing rather than listen to their own inner voice. We had been indoctrinated to seek out so-called "leaders" to direct our lives. I had worn that coat myself - orchestrating the lives of young women I practiced with. However, as the rhythm of the practice slowed down, I was forced let that tactic go. I had to travel within to seek answers, as did my young counterparts. It was frightening, lonely, and very necessary work.

In 1996, I moved to Los Angeles to go to graduate school and pursue my dream of becoming a writer. I was living in South Central LA and I spent many months trying to find a district to practice with. My phone calls to various community centers and districts went unreturned month after month. I finally realized I needed to spend some time without anyone else's influence whatsoever. I stopped looking for a district and I began to follow my inner compass. Slowly, I heard the voice of my spirit -- the wise Buddha within -- emerge. It directed me and assisted me in ways no other force can. The dialogue I had with myself changed my life.

Early in my practice I made a decision which continues to impact me. I talked to one of my leaders about a romantic relationship I was having difficulty with, and this person told me to end the relationship - that the man I was involved with wanted a marital partner - and since I was not ready for such a commitment, I should let him go. I followed her guidance to the letter, even though I loved this man and he loved me. It caused me an enormous amount of sadness and grief. The same man ended up marrying this particular leader's best friend a year later. I felt manipulated and used. A few years passed, and I confronted the woman about her "advice." I will never forget what she said. "Oh, I had completely forgotten you ever dated him." The situation had caused me so much pain. She hadn't suffered at all over the guidance she'd given me. I had. At that moment, I learned something invaluable: follow the Law not the Person. I made a determination to never, ever let another person's actions or advice stop me from practicing. I learned to put my best interests in my hands, not those of another fallible human being. I can live with my choices if I make them. If I give my power over to another member and ask them to shape my life, I can blame them later if it doesn't work out. That is not Buddhism.

Now I know no other person can ever understand my life the way I do. And, although I do ask a number of close friends - most of whom are Buddhists - if I am struggling with a decision or problem, I am my most precious asset in handling the issues of my own life. The guidance I seek is not from some senior leader, but from my own wise spirit. As I chant, I listen to my life and take action based upon what I hear. I have written books, published articles, worked responsible jobs and had relationships all while looking to my self for answers. It has been many years since I last sought outside "guidance." I did eventually join a district in LA. But my life has flourished and bloomed just fine without running to anyone for outside guidance for a number of years now.

Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of very compassionate people available to assist us in our lives. I have some of the best of them as my closest friends and allies. There are Nichiren's letters and writings and countless books on Buddhism. All of these resources are valuable. But I have come to realize that I alone direct my destiny and I must choose which road I will take. I am the only one who has to live with the consequences of my decisions.

My inner guidance has never failed me. I have received encouragement and assistance that is, in fact, the perfect for me. Every person is totally unique. There has never been another person like me. And, there never will be. The same is true for every human being on this beautiful planet. That is what is so wonderful about accessing and enlisting our inner resources in front of the Gohonzon. The advice spirit sends is tailored to each individual. What is right for me is not right for anyone else.

We are living in troubled and tumultuous times. We have many choices to make that will ultimately save or condemn this planet. The world needs individuals that can access and use their inner power and wisdom. The world is crying out for people who are not sheep. It desperately needs wise individuals who will not follow someone blindly off a cliff just because that person is "in charge." We are each in charge of our own souls. As responsible Buddhists, each person needs to look within and take action based upon their inherent wisdom. As more and more people begin to realize this, we will stop being a society and world chasing after riches, possessions, hard power and "gurus."

Look inside. Listen. If we can have on-going dialogue with our individual spirits, everything in the outside world will be transformed. Let's dream a new world into being -- a world based upon respect, compassion and reverence for each person's divinity: their Buddha nature. Taking our power back and no longer blaming others for our problems and sufferings, let's rise up and challenge ourselves to live lives based upon our own deep knowing. We were all born with the wisdom and life force to change the world.

The question is: will we do it?

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Shavawn M. Berry, MPW, has a Master's Degree in Professional Writing from the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. She is currently working on several children's books, a non-fiction workbook, and a novel. She can be reached at: wordsinbloom@msn.com