Lately, I have been thinking about how, a few months before I ran across an SGI-USA member in the late 1980's, I dabbled in Scientology for a minute. I hightailed it away from those people when I realized that the only way I could TRY to get "clear" (the equivalent of enlightened) was to dole out cash for someone to "audit" me. Then, I still would never reach clarity in this lifetime, because I had to get audited WAAAAAY back in the past for who knows how many lifetimes.
I realized I'd bumped into a cult. Soon after, I met my friend, the SGI-USA member.
As Brittany sang, "Oops, I did it again."
I was an SGI-USA district leader until today. I told my leader I resigned. But actually I had not really been doing the 1,001 things this position required for a while. I just stopped. It was just too much.
The leader said she understood if I was "too busy." I corrected her. I was not just too busy I was not willing to do all that stuff anymore.
But I can understand her not really getting it, especially since I left out the biggest reason for my disaffection. I can no longer can make excuses for how the SGI-USA is. Even more fundamental, I can't keep ignoring the fact that I don't believe what SGI teaches.
Here's the big thing, and many other Buddhists, former SGI ones too, my feel differently: I absolutely believe that I am the Buddha, the Law, NMHRK, the eternal Shakyamuni, the universe itself. My entire life confirms this for me in countless ways. This is what Nichiren said in the Gosho and Record of the Orally Transmitted Teachings.
I know this concept can get confusing because both Shakyamuni (at least as recorded in the sutras I've read) and Nichiren sometimes said things that made it seem as though the Law or Gohonzon was something we pray "to."
But the big truth that Nichiren stated more than once, and that Shakyamuni implied in the Lotus Sutra, is that we (or I) are IT--the whole shebang.
The SGI says this sometimes. But mostly I hear or read about how great the Law, chanting, NMHRK or the Gohonzon are as if these are genies and the actual person who made something move in her or his life was secondary to how much s/he chanted and "worked for kosen rufu."
When I look around me, the world doesn't work that way. There are plenty of people who never chant but are happy and resilient and living well. What is more important than how much somebody does those tasks is the quality of one's life, one's heart or spirit, her attitude, and, I think especially, her self view. From there, everything else springs. SGI rarely conveys this essential message
I also got tired of the fear-mongering. That is, being told of the evil that happens if I don't chant enough or don't fight enough for kosen rufu or don't believe in the SGI enough or read the incredibly long, unedited and self-aggrandizing (New) Human Revolution enough.
I started fighting back in my head. Yes, I can chant just three times today, or just in my mind, or not at all, and all is still well with me. Because I am just as eternal now as I was before and after I learned of Buddhism in this lifetime.
And from my thoughts spring everything. Realizing this frees me.
4 comments
Truly, I am glad that you have freed yourself and gotten past the idolization of the Odaimoku and Gohonzon and the Organization. The Odaimoku is not just about babbling in Sino-Japanese it is about giving voice to the intention of the Buddha from deep within our life to realize the Dharma of the universality and immanence of complete perfect awakening. The Gohonzon is not just a scrap of paper with sumi squiggles, but the way Nichiren defined it in Kanjin Honzon-sho and other writings is that it is the Eternal Shakyamuni Buddha who always and everywhere transmits the Wonderful Dharma to all sentient beings - but even that is a metaphor but a metaphor for what? For the mutual possession of the ten worlds - the world of buddhahood within our everyday life and embracing our everyday life. Finally, Buddhists take refuge in the Sangha but the Sangha consists of awakening beings who uphold the Dharma and while they may organize themselves or even create lineages or institutions to help facilitate upholding and sharing the Dharma, the institutions and organizations are not themselves the Jewel of the Sangha. I, personally, think there is a next step though. My deep conviction is that the Buddha Dharma is not merely about self-empowerment. You can get that from "The Secret" or any of a number of self-help books. I deeply believe that the real secret of Buddhism is that buddhahood is a state of selfless compassion. To realize and actualize and unfold more and more a state of selfless compassion (and to forgive ourselves and start fresh when we fall away) is the next step after freeing oneself from cults and superstition and dogmas and intolerant narrow minded bigotry masquerading as orthodoxy. Namu Myoho Renge Kyo,Ryuei
Hi hereigoagain -- I'm glad you made the leap. A lot of people have likened breaking up with the Org to be like breaking up with a spouse -- even after it's over, you still have to find a way to deal with your ex without losing your mind. For lots of people, that means making a clean break and cutting off all communication. For others it means running into your ex from time to time, and noticing that s/he gets under your skin less and less. Either way, it takes time, healing and real grieving. Even though you weren't happy in the relationship, it's understandable that you'll grieve.Leaving aside the cult question -- because everyone already knows what I think (it's a cult)-- I want to raise a point about the way that organization burns people out. I've seen it happen so many times. They take people with energy and enthusiasm, and they just use them up.Legitimate religious organizations don't do this. (Or at least, they try to not do this.) Legitimate religious organizations have trained, paid ministers who minister. Religious organizations train people through internships, and they support people in divinity and chaplaincy education programs, and they hire qualified staff. The pay might not be great, but at least there is an acknowledgement that ministering is an actual job.SGI expects volunteers to carry the weight. SGI has billions of dollars. They can afford to hire hundreds of ministerial staff members all over the U.S. Instead, they expect unpaid, sincere people to devote every waking moment to serving the organization, year in and year out. If you're sincere and happy to help, they will ask more and more of you until your life is dominated by the Org, until you break. And when you break, they criticize you for not being strong enough, for failing to "reply to sensei."The Org chews people up and spits them out.
I am happy for you -- happy that you have come into a greater sense of your own power and freedom -- yet stories like yours make me sad. It makes me sad because it reminds me of my own story. It makes me sad to think of all the potential and sincerity that has been squandered on false prophets. It makes me sad that people are still going through the cycle of trust, betrayal, and breaking away. And it makes me sad that this cycle seems to be a necessary part of a religious journey. I wish you the best.