You know, like "I Claudius", whatever - you either got it or not...

The Beginning

I was shakabuku'd by a guitarist our band needed at that time. Actually the guitarist was responding to an ad I put up for a band that had ceased to exist nearly a year earlier. Strange how that happens. I began practicing Buddhism, and he took up his favorite past time (again) - cocaine. Somewhere in that process he got guidance from the dreaded Mr. Kudamatsu who told him something to the effect of "if you don't do NSA 100% you'll never be successful in music". As so often happened with that old school approach, the recipient either would fight or flight. He did the later which pissed me off enough to begin practicing in enerst.

You know, this story bores me to death. That was 1985, lets fast forward to the mid-90s. By then I'd survived my drug-laden music career and it was behind me. I was applying to Stanford for the Physician Assistant program and my wife (who began practicing shortly after me) and I had moved into our first house in downtown San Jose and had our first daughter, Kaela. We had been group chiefs in Willow Glen in different group incarnations which I have not taken the effort to remember in great detail. I'd also gone through what was only the beginning of my personal awakening from the Nichiren Shoshu dreamstate and had already survived a year or two of slumming around the cesspool alt.religion.buddhism.nichiren.

The Real Story

I recieved a phone call somewhere in the middle 90's from my then territory chief who's name I shall keep anonymous, but his initials are Steve Cervelli. Ok, I don't mean to imply that I hold a grudge, I don't. It's just that in the name of Buddhist justice I wish to expose Steve's crimes against humanity, and me.
Alright, perhaps I sound a little bitter. Really I'm not. Really.

Seriously, I'm not bitter.

Anyway, I was to be the men's division chief for the *very* infamous San Jose district. Steve told me "don't run in and just try and take over". Oh bullshit that was to be. I should have. My women's division counterpart, sweet woman I know she is, would never open up on any level after 2 or 3 years. I forget how long, in fact it's quite amusing to me how much detail I have managed to erase from my mind.

We had the meetings in her apartment, clean and fashionably decorated as it was. She had done her pad in an neo-afro style, complete with white furniture. Remember, I had kids. Our house was never clean enough, frankly looking back at our first home it simply didn't have enough space and though the Gohonzon room was always totally clean I know our house didn't meet with the WD dis. chief's approval.

Looking back, we had a huge mix of members, and some really great people. Scott McDonough remains a close friend still, and the kids consider him an uncle. Everyone nonetheless were single. Nancy and I were the only couple in the district. The WD chief allegedly had a boyfriend of many years but we never met him and she broke it off with him at some point. I don't know why or how, she never ever shared any experience of any intimacy to me or the district.

This remains my greatest frusteration. Despite my attempts to cut through the crap with her, it was not to be. Any attempt to discuss anything important was rewarded with stock "off the shelf" guidance. She always made sure she asserted her senior status in every situation.

In addition to being single, the majority of our district members had substance abuse histories, and many, as I recall, had current issues with alcohol and drugs. Not to imply that I myself am free from such a past, but there was always a feeling that there was an undercurrent of resentment leveled at us for simply being a functional family. This was nothing in comparison to what I am about to share with you dear reader so read on.

The Woman

We had this woman in our group. Myself and Nancy had had benign encounters with her previously. We spoke with her in a children's thrift shop once in Milpitas and had to endure her tirade on how she wouldn't have a Christmas tree because she was Buddhist and the tree was a Christian symbol. For the use of the rest of this story, I will call her "TW" (the woman).

She also had an abuse history, maybe more than substance, I don't recall. At every district meeting she managed to participate in discussion is some totally combative and accusational manner, almost always passive-aggresively aimed toward me. Often she would expound her personal brand of Buddhism based on the 12 step program but usually her tirades were based on the shortcomings of the leadership and how it "should be". Since nearly every meeting had new members and guests I never felt that I had the power to interject or intervene in her angry attacks. When these incidents happened, myself, my WD chief and the rest of the members at the meeting would pause for an uncomfortable moment, not knowing what to say or how to react, and then move on. In retrospect these meetings all seemed like bad Saturday Night Live sketches.

The last Days

The last meeting I remember attending as San Jose District Chief was the only one I vividly recall. We were finishing Gongyo (I was leading) with perhaps 8 members. I, as usually, kept a sharp lookout that my Daughter Kaela - around 2 years old - didn't climb on the WD Chief's white couch (her favoraite thing to do). With only a few minutes of Gongyo left in through the door marches "TW" with a guest. She sits down and within minutes is whispering something to the YMD. He transfers the message which is "slow down Gongyo so my guest can chant". I reply to him that we're almost done and we can chant slow Daimoku at the end of the meeting. The reply is transferred to "TW".

Gongyo ends, we all say hi to each other and ask "TW" to introduce her guest. I rememer even now her speech beginning with "I would just like to say that I am ashamed to be a member of any organization that can't slow down chanting for a guest...." She went on and on and on.

We all sat there stunned, silent, I in my emotional straight jacket, not really knowing what to say, how to proceed. Finally the WD Chief broke the silence and we all just moved on.

I never gave up my determination to continue as district chief. I never allowed myself to say to myself or anyone else "fuck it, I quit". But I also was never able to attend another district meeting at the WD chief's house. I tried, I even remember chanting up until minutes before meetings to try and muster the desire to get up and go. It never happened. My wife had already drawn her own line. No more meetings, she didn't need it and our daughters didn't need to be in that kind of environment.

Not long afterwards San Jose ditrict meetings were put under the care of the Chapter chief, Tom Yamagata who took total control of everything. I have no idea what was discussed prior to this change, I was not present. I finally was replaced by another much more incompetent Men's division. I hadn't known in advance I was being replaced. I was at the SJ Kaikan and heard the annoucement in the next room, "now would like to promote (enter name here) to San Jose Men's division district chief!". Thanks Steve, way to go. Apparently he thought I already had known.

Training in SGI

We talk about training in SGI. Leadership training - Youth division training. It's easy as a critic of SGI to say "that's ridiculous, there's no training, it's just more rhetoric". I'm living proof that it is not. I still share these strange Gakkai experiences with my chapter in Salinas, all under the heading of "the great training I recieved".

Some time later in San Jose, during the circumstances of yet another "re-org", the "geo reo" to be specific (short for geographic relocation, putting members into groups closer to where they lived) myself, Nancy and another woman inadvertantly formed one of the most successful groups in our area. This group, "Stone Tiger Group" is legend in certain circles in the San Jose area.

One incident that reflects mine and Nancy's training was when a Women's division member came to our meeting loaded. She continued to act obnoxious until our mild-mannered chapter chief finally told her to "shut the fuck up". Everyone was stunned and silent. Nancy and I were both still so conditioned by our previous experience in SJ dis. that it was like water off of a duck's back. We moved right on without blinking and Nancy was able to comfort our traumatized members afterwards.

Stay tuned for my next installment for more on the principle of training....

Rev. Greg Dilley, Shidoshi